Do you practice religion?
If you are asking if I practice religion of a church then no. Have I in the past? I guess to a degree I did. I had to attend church with my family every Sunday and I did as I was told. I participated in all the things that church practiced.
It took me a long time to find my way out of that institution and find my own faith in my SELF and a better appreciation of the Universe. In that , is my religion.
M.
Do you remember life before the internet?
As kids we woke up early, walk quietly down the stairs, put the tv on and watched cartoons.
We would knock on neighbours doors to see if any kids our age lived there, if they did we would play on the front lawn so both parents could see us.
We fought over who got to use the phone after school to call friends and gossip.
Books were used to find information for a project or school assignment.
That was just a few things I remember before we got internet.
M.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I believe “having it all” to me is when I am content with my SELF and constantly traveling the world. It’s my joy and education.
M.
Who would you like to talk to soon?
I would like to speak to people who are curious about tarot and are seeking guidance and clarity on their journey in life.
I love talking to people I’ve done tarot readings for in the past and they say how skeptical they were before the reading and how much the reading helped.
I view each tarot card as a reminder of how we can do something to remain on our course or to change it.
M.
Do you have any collections?
Tarot cards, crystals, shift dresses
Ok, maybe it does but a fraction of what it did.
Since my post last week Led by Fear I have been more aware of when I am letting fear get the better of me. For instance, the string of the courtesy flag we fly on the mast of our sailboat broke and it needed to be replaced. I could have let my fear of going up the mast stop me and make me do the hard job of winching the captain up there instead or let him winch me up and save myself a lot of back pain. I decided this time I would go up the mast, let’s face it this time it was only a third of the way up, so not too high. I surprised the captain when I offered to go up. I have to admit while he winched me up the mast I felt a little apprehensive but once up there all I needed to do was reach across, thread the string through the pulley, and let him lower me back down on deck slowly.
I must admit while I was up there it felt quite exciting and I thought for just a second how fun it might be to go a little higher 😊.
Another fear conquered, starting the engine on the tender by myself. I can now start the engine on my own confidently. I am still getting the hang of bringing the tender up to the shore . But I’m sure I’ll have it worked out in a few weeks. Then not only am I taking responsibility off the captain’s shoulder but also giving myself some freedom here.
What fear have you pushed aside this week? And by doing so, what have you achieved?
M.
I am going to tell you a secret and I hope you can be honest with me in return. I have been led by fear for years, decades even. The majority of my friends and family would never agree, they would say that I do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want to. They don’t know that most of what I do, I literally force myself to do it. And that is after many days, weeks, months of saying I’ll do it and then talking myself out of it. Or the other way around, I think of something I want to do and make myself do it straightaway without putting any thought into it and losing out financially. All just so fear won’t stop me from experiencing something. FOMO???
Last year my partner and I went to Greece to find a sailboat to spend a few months sailing in the Mediterranean. Sounds good right? Well, it’s my partner’s dream, I never in my entire life ever thought of going sailing not even for a day cruise. In fact, I didn’t and still don’t have the urge to go on a cruise. The only reason I get on boats is if I need to catch a ferry to an island.
Anyway, we were in Greece for about six weeks before we found a boat we were willing to purchase. Was I excited? For my partner to live his dream? Yes. But I had had some little (just little) thoughts cross my mind that it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the right boat didn’t come along. He’d get over it, right?
Now I had to go through with it and live on a sailboat for at least three months and sail/motor across large expanses of water… it’s nice a calm in the Med, isn’t it? The conversations I had with myself in the mirror, you’d think I was crazy. I kept telling myself there was no land too far that I couldn’t swim to it.
The other alternative, leaving my partner scared me even more. I guess my choice was made.
So now I live on a sailboat in the Med for six months of the year, sounds great yeah? Not the daily arguments because of things “I can’t do”.
The list of things that scare me:
Taking control of the boat,
Falling off the boat,
Falling into the water while getting into the dinghy,
Using the dinghy on my own,
Sailing in bad weather,
Going to the top of the mast,
Running into something with the boat,
Being blown onto the rocks (again),
Hard work… I’m not a physically strong person 🤷🏻♀️
Should I be afraid of all these things? Most of them are insignificant and won’t hurt me or kill me, I mean I can swim and I’ve been halfway up the mast and it was kind of fun. The fear comes from not being good at something instantly (confidence)and having to work at it. Is it laziness? No, I’m just not interested or motivated to want to do it. Why I’m going to make myself do it? Not only to help my partner with the responsibilities of owning a boat and living on it but to grow into a more confident person.
Trusting in your Self to learn something new is possibly the hardest thing we can do but the most rewarding.
M.
Wow! Finally the adventure we have been talking about doing for the last 5 years is finally happening. Whether it goes the way we planned or not … well that will be another story to share.
My partner and I have been discussing following his dream of sailing a boat in the Mediterranean for the last 5 years. In 2020 we almost did it but Covid hit and the dream was put on hold. This year as the world opens up again we decided to take the plunge. We leave Australia mid April for London then off to wherever we believe we can find our perfect boat (no such thing). More than likely Greece because that is where we think majority of the boats will be available. We are aiming at 6 months this year.
So as I still need some sort of income, I decided what better way than to offer tarot readings that I can do on a boat. I will receive requests for readings via DM on instagram or email iammaleenaeve@gmail.com. Or payment through this website. I will do a 30 minute or 1 hour reading for you and write it all down, then email it to you as a pdf file, no need for an appointment. Once I have received your payment I will send your reading within 7 days.
Every now and then I think that everything I’ve experienced in life would make a great novel with sex, scandal and a heroine. Why a heroine you ask? Because I’ve finally worked out I could have saved myself a lot of hard work trying to find a hero by being my own hero. I took the knight in shining armor, riding the white horse literally. I think I would have to embellish a fair bit to make my story a novel and I would rather share the truth of it. I was worried that others who were and still are a part of my story would be upset by it but it is my story and if they see it another way, they can write there own because their story could help others too.
Here is a little from part 2
It all started 13 February 1999, I was 21 years old sitting in the back of a limousine on the way to my wedding. I was sharing the limousine with my father and my bridesmaids; Dad was silent and the bridesmaids were excited about being driven somewhere in a limousine. I remember being so nervous…
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I have just finished a 7 day writing challenge called Dare to Express with Jolie Dawn author of Empowered, Sexy and Free. The challenge for me is overcoming the fear of sharing My Story with you, but realising that by sharing My Story I could potentially help others. Whether that is just one person or millions, if I only help you my lovely subscriber then I have fulfilled my purpose.
This particular story triggers feelings of guilt because of the way I never took responsibility for my own journey, I took the easy way and allowed others to dictate how my life should look. The beliefs bestowed upon me my whole life gave me a template to follow and I never thought about why I personally had these beliefs, I just did.
I am sharing a very rough draft of part of my story with you in this blog post, if you would like to hear more of it please subscribe to my newsletter at the end of this post.
I hope my story helps you through your story.
Pretending to be someone you are not may allow you to avoid conflict and losing people you love but you will lose yourself. Be yourself ALWAYS. If you don’t like something, say no thank you. If you really want to do something and others are telling you that you shouldn’t go and do it. (Disclaimer I do not condone putting yourself or others in danger).
I had it all. I’d been told that I had runway model looks, being skinny in the late 90s was what every young woman strived for and it came naturally to me. I didn’t have to pay rent because I had moved back home to my parents’ house. I had just started a new job in an office, so I felt very grown up. I was surrounded by friends who always had time for me and a fiancé who was very pleased to marry me, in fact I believed he really couldn’t possibly do better. My parents loved me and they were paying for my wedding and they had secured us a place to live. Life was easy. I sound like a spoilt brat, right?
I also didn’t like conflict, or having to explain why I wanted to something. I was having sex out of wedlock and every night before I went to sleep, I would pray to God and ask for forgiveness so that I would not go to hell if I died during the night. I was sneaking around, lying to my parents where I was if I didn’t come home on the weekend. I lied about being a smoker and I had to watch every word that came out of my mouth. I went to church every Sunday morning and when I didn’t, I made up a story about where I was so that I didn’t have yet another yelling match with my mother or have my father quote bible verses to me. I was a 21-year-old woman who didn’t bother to think for herself or ask for what she wanted because she knew what the reaction or answer would be. Why is a 21-year-old woman not doing whatever the fuck she likes?
I lived with constant guilt, anxiety and fear of forgetting to pray for my sins, to the point of waking in the middle of the night and praying again. I was imprisoned by 21 years of Pentecostal church beliefs and never being a good enough Christian, therefore never truly worthy of love. I believed that once I was married everything would be fine because I wasn’t committing a sin anymore. I would finally be FREE!
M.
I am Maleena Eve 